Showing posts with label love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label love. Show all posts

Ten pages in which to fall in love.


"Courage does not always roar. sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying, "I will try again tomorrow." - Mary Anne Radmacher.

You want a great reminder of this sentiment? Read about Eeyore. Yes, he's often portrayed as the storm-cloud cynic of the group, and I suppose when one compares him to a simple bear like Pooh, or a bouncy Tigger, or even a small pig who refuses to give up hope in things, yes, Eeyore certainly seems the pessimist of the group. Except . . . for all his misgivings about the present--lost tail, demolished house, people forgetting his birthday--he never seems to resent his hardships, and furthermore, he doesn't carry his troubles with him into the future. Every day is a new day for Eeyore. His courage stems from waking every morning undefeated, no matted what the day before held (or didn't hold) for him. That's my favorite thing about Eeyore; that and his AWESOME taste in skyscapes.

So, the ten pages? I have to write/edit/adapt them in the next sixty hours or so, and my courage will have to come into play as a person who's pretty sure these pages will fall far short of her hope for them, but is willing to take a stab at it, anyway. Besides, if they're awful to begin with, I can only make them better, right?  And added to my quiet courage voice, I've got wingwomen to adventure along with me, as I will with them. How can I fail with WINGWOMEN?

Ten pages, ten pages I'll write in the next sixty hours, that--when read--soften the reader's heart toward a certain boy, because they see how soft his heart has become regarding a certain girl. There will be star-gazing, Shakespeare references, sharing of sanctuaries, and most of all, falling a little further in love.

Personal Note: The weather here in The Deep South has been rather warm and humid of late. Know why? Because all of the cold in IN. MY. BOOOOOOOOOOOOONEEEEEEEES!  Seriously, it's seventy degrees, but I've been cold for two days straight.

Having nothing to do with writing and everything to do with being human.

The noise and rush of holidays is over for our household, and with the boys off visiting grandmothers and aunts and my husband working for the evening, everything is so very quiet. Quiet enough the silence oppresses; not even a favorite playlist can make a dent in it. I understand why people find themselves inexplicably saddened, especially those who are generally more alone than I am. I myself am in a bit of a funk, to be honest.

I guess the important thing to remember is that more often than not, loneliness is a lie. It's a very crafty, very convincing lie, definitely, but a lie all the same, because no matter how alone you feel, you aren't actually alone. Even complete strangers keep you from being without anyone. Loneliness is the little voice whispering to you about being nothing, about having no worth, no place in the rest of the world.

Sometimes it's not just hard to ignore loneliness, it's frightening. Testing the lie, trying to break it, could prove it true, or at least that's what we're afraid will happen.

It's too quiet in my house tonight, and it's a little scary, and a little sad. It's lonely, yes.

But it's not without.


I hear you say, "My love is over,
it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between,
the times you doubt Me, when you can't feel,
the times that you've questioned 'Is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate Me, and the times that you bend.


Well my love is over, it's underneath,
it's inside, it's in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks,
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace.

The times you're hurting,
the times that you heal,
the times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.


In times of confusion and chaos and pain,
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache,
I'm there in the storm.
My love, I will keep you by My power alone.
I dont care where you've fallen, where you have been,
I'll never forsake you.


My love never ends.

It never ends


-- "Times", by Tenth Avenue North

In Case I Haven't Bragged Enough . . .


I am the ladylove of some amazingly handsome men.

Princess Who?

As often happens as I fell asleep one recent night, I presented myself with A Question.


If The Doctor (of British television and science-fiction adoration) were to regenerate as a Disney Princess, or for that matter were to have a Disney Princess become his companion, which lucky royal prospect would get the nod?


So, in the interest of satisfying my own curiosity and having a bit of a laugh I present:*

THE PRINCESS WHO SMACKDOWN!

A three round competition to determine which animated lady deserves to hang with our favorite Time Lord. Winner takes Ten . . . or Nine, or any Doctor, up to Eleven, really.




Vote in the comments for the four princess you'd most like to see adventuring alongside The Doctor, or at the very least which of each set would take down her rival. I know I have my preferences! As a bonus, I'd love to see why you choose your princesses.

NEXT WEEK: ROUND TWO, SEMI-FINALS

*Please note, I put together that graphic in Paint, so yes, I'm aware it's a little questionable. However, I am not profiting (except maybe in popularity?) from this little exercise of grins and giggles, so don't get weird on me. Just vote, and back up your vote with your reasoning.

Dear Kara, You're Too Good to Me


Sebastien and Joss, as envisioned by Kara Joyner Kovalchick, and hence the reason butterflies have been engaged in a cage match in my tummy for the last hour. Also:


PRETTY BOY WITH GORGEOUS HAIR!!!!

That is all for now.

P.S. I hear the first was just the practice sketch and there's more to come. Remember, if I die of joy, I want all my parts donated, and the rest of me cremated. Just in case.

Ninety-nine Photos of Stuff on the Blog, Ninety-nine Photos of Stuff...!

Okay, so really there are only gonna be like three or so, but still. I got the ninety-nine part from this being the ninety-ninth post. Really gonna hafta think of something stellar for the next one, huh? The PRESSURE! It PRESSES!

First off, yeah, totally got my laptop bag. It's a tight squeeze, but the bag is primarily canvas, so I'm waiting for it to break in really well, like a good pair of jeans. Obviously, Precious isn't in it in these photos, but she's a little busy helping me post this blog right now.






So, from top to bottom, the online photo of said bag, so you can see it all nicely and cleanly.











Then a blurry version I just took with my webcam.









And finally, a webcam photo of the inside of the bag with some of my junk in it. Yes, that IS a Burton's Mad Hatter notebook grinning in there.








Another super awesomoso thing in there? These Eco-speakers by Fashionation. They're made out of this sort of tough nylon plastic stuff. When folded, they're thinner than my hand, and even with all the little tabs popped into place, they're smaller than a take-out carton. They come hooked together with a standard-sized headphones cord, which will plug into pretty much any mobile device, and they don't require batteries. Top that off with seventy per cent recycled materials and just ten bucks a pop.





And just to round off the day of picking up Things Which Make Amethyst Smile, have ya everheard of Pocky? I don't want to know what they're made of in case something scares me, or it's just really yummy plastic, but the strawberry ones complete me. Well, there wasn't a lot missing, but yeah. The boxes I get are about a buck fifty, less than a bag of Hershey's whatever candies, and probably less calorie-laden (plastic is very slimming...okay, fine, I'm pretty sure they're just slightly sweet, crunchy breadsticks dipped in a strawberry yogurt cream, and then allowed to dry).




Oh, and did I mention, I finally finished the chapter I'd been stuck on for six months? ;) And I did it with the help of my new critique partner, "M", and Bria Quinlan's Fast Draft writing sprints. If you end up loving what I do, blame them.

Snuggle, Snuggle, Coil, and Nuzzle

(With apologies to Shakespeare's Fates)

Personal Note: Henceforth, personal notes will come at the end of posts, because they sometimes mess with Title/first line flow.

For those of you who haven't had it bludgeoned into you yet, tomorrow is Valentine's Day (if I just saved your bacon by giving you enough time to grab something not utterly crappy, you're welcome; my usual fee will be fine).

A slightly lesser-known fact about tomorrow is it's also my 31st birthday (yes, I know. I wouldn't buy it, either, 'cept I've got this legal document and all), which means A. I hated Valentine's Day growing up (lots of long-distance boyfriends *sigh*), and B. my husband is doubly screwed if he forgets either one. Not that he would, because he's completely Awesome.

Anyway, poor N. is working my birthday this year, so we celebrated with dinner and a movie yesterday, exchanging gifts afterward. Before we left for our date N. hinted my Valentine's Day wasn't chocolate, but he'd put a lot of thought into it. Well, I did tell you he's awesome.


Oh, there was a lot of thought in N.'s gift. You couldn't argue that. The question is, were those thoughts had while he was in his right mind? The boy bought me a Snuggie. the pink frosting-colored one. It's incredibly romantic, right? I mean, yards and yards of puke-pink fleece screams sexy.
In case you're worried, I did not react badly. I laughed my butt off. I didn't stop laughing for fifteen minutes.

Because, technically, the boy's intentions were good. He made some really good points. I'm always cold while I sit on the couch writing, reading, watching TV. The color is because the one he bought supports breast cancer research, and he knows how much I love buying products supporting causes if I can. I love 'feely' material. To the boy these are all really great, logical, loving reasons to buy your wife a Snuggie.
And while I would never in a million years categorize a Snuggie as romantic, I got it. So, I laughed. And came up with several nicknames for myself while wearing it, names like "Bubble Gum Gandalf", and "Druid Barbie".
But I didn't tell you this story ONLY because it was funny. I've let you in on it because it's a decent illustration of a great little plot thing called 'misinformation'. Whether it be malicious gossip sent around the countryside to blacken the name of a rival or just a bad case of information starting out meaning one thing, but losing bits and pieces along the way until it means something else and all hades breaks loose, misinformation can be your vehicle to all sorts of plot hijinkery.
My absolute favorite use of misinformation is the version I think of as 'incomplete information', and if you want a good example of one person thinking he or she knows something, but knowing NOTHING, of sitting there, reading along, practically screaming in your head, "Would someone please just tell them they're both right!", because if no one does they are going to ruin their whole lives, read almost any book by Judith McNaught (hey, I don't want to hear any crap about it being a paperback romance novel; the woman can twist like she learned it from Chubbie Checker). I particularly like Almost Heaven. Badass, cruel-when-wounded geniuses are my weakness.
So, think of that the next time you want to make a reader cringe with anticpatory frustration. It's the kind of torture we'll pay you for.
And because, dear reader, I love you and I know you are only laughing WITH me, I give you this (be kind, I beg of you):


Fallen From Grace

Personal Notes: Things I have to bar myself or I will cry:

  • Country music
  • Holiday commercials featuring family reunions
  • Anything dramatic or emotional involving fathers*
  • Or small children/babies being scared or hurt
  • My church choir, especially during Christmas

Seriously, I just can’t handle those things without bawling my eyes out. I’ve started keeping Kleenex in my purse Just For Choir Performances.

So, for once the title is kind of apropos of nothing, except that it’s a line from a song playing right that moment, and I have been kind of lax in posting. Shall we remedy that for today?

I told Blogger to make sure to publish this post on December the 18th.  This year December the 18th is a Friday. It was also a Friday when I was thirteen. Quick, remember being thirteen, or this won’t be quite as potent!

I rocked all kinds of upheavals the year I was thirteen, the biggest perhaps being The Move. Now my family had never been one to really put down roots anywhere; we moved at least once a year, and actually I never went to a single school two years in a row until I attended M. Elem. for fourth, fifth, and most of sixth grade. That was a good year, almost.  Finally had a BEST friend, had a cute little puppy love boyfriend (Hi, Jensey and Eric, of you’re reading this!). And then.

My mom remarried. Yup. And we moved. Not just a town away.  No. We moved from our very small town in lower Missouri to a very small town in Alabama. Myself, two, erm, larger adults, and an infant, stuffed into the cab of a sixties model Ford pickup truck, with a horse-trailer full of our possessions attached.

When I was thirteen, it felt like losing everything important in the whole world. Thirteen-year-old me is still holding a grudge. Thirteen-year-old me cried for every waking moment of the fifteen hour drive. Darn straight, I did.

But, eventually, I calmed down.  A pair of gorgeous blue eyes may have had something to do with it. But that’s only the half of it. The eyes are what made me look at him, but it was the I.Q. that made me fall head-over-heels in first real love with him.

You think I’m kidding, or foolish. Are you remembering being thirteen?  Did you forget? Sure, physically, in a more adult way the big pre-husband, teenage love was more cataclysmic, but that first love, it left its mark, too.

At thirteen, I hadn’t yet had my first kiss, hadn’t yet figured out that I should totally want to be kissing someone, because I was still clinging to the idea that shoving your tongue in someone else’s mouth was disgusting (don’t worry; I am very much over that misconception.  One day when I was FOURteen, Jimmy K. helped realize my fallacy there).  Anyway, the most serious thing Gorgeous Eyes-Q and I ever did was hold hands once or twice. And part of me really regrets that, because I can romanticize the Hades out of most of my previous relationships. Part of me still wishes she knew how GEQ kisses. Which is a kind of a tangent, sorry.

The point is, that was my first real love, and my first real heartbreak, and even though we’re friends now and love each other as such, I still remember December 18th, 1992, the last day of school before Christmas break.

Because that was the first time he told me he loved me and asked me officially to be his girlfriend. I remember how hard my pulse slammed into my veins, the enormous rush of adrenaline and endorphins. Oh, man. I’m not sure anything has ever felt that same kind of amazing before or since.  Sure, my first kiss was pretty awesome (thank you, Jimmy; I’ll always be grateful), and a few years later, when I fell into real, grown up love for the first time I was changed, different forever, and of course married love is the inexplicable phenomena and all . . .

But on December 18th I am always thirteen again, and I am horribly in love with you.

I am totally adoring this trend . . .

Personal Note: We're going to a family bonfire (er, I mean a bonfire hosted by family, not one where we roast our relatives) and there will be various foods cooking on sticks, old tool style. As you might guess, there will be S'mores. I'm not big on S'mores. For one thing, I'm kind of a DO NOT MIX THE FOODS variety of OCD, and secondly, the concept of a square millimeter of my skin getting *shivers* sticky for a nanosecond freaks me out like you would not believe. Adhesives are a personal Hell, folks. Anyway, as irony would have it, I was tapped to bring along the fixin's for the S'mores. I got all the regular stuff, and then, because I'm a wild and crazy guy (I need a Steve Martin here), I bought a large bar of Hershey's Cookies-n-Creme chocolate, to experiment with. I'll let you know how that turns out.

And now, for the main feature of this blog post. I know I've not been writing a lot of helpful blogs right now, but I'm claiming holiday chaos. I'm not doing a lot of revision or other writing, either, because I know myself; if I try and interruption after interruption were to dog me I would eventually try to kill someone. And I love all the people I live with. I did not give birth to three of them only to take their lives back in a homicidal rage X number of years later.

So, I've been posting rather egoscentric, fluff posts (you're probably getting another one tomorrow, just forewarning, because my betas, friends, and readers have their own opinions of who would make good Dionadir characters, and I am entirely pro-supporting-reader-insight). I do plan on writing more thoughtful posts by the start of next week, promise. But for today, as with yesterday, I give you this kind of awesome bit if 'Yay! For me!" news.

This morning my husband surprised me buy going to Dell.com and sitting me down to pick and choose the features I wanted for my Christmas present, a new Dell Netbook (Don't worry, Bales; I made absolutely sure it came with the newest edition of Microsoft Office, and Windows 7, so I'll still have SpellCheck, which we know is something I desperately depend on). N. even paid a little more so I could have the Product (Red) colored one. You guys know how I feel about supporting charities whenever financially possible, and since that shade of red is my favorite (hello, look at my hair!) it's a Double Bonus, right. Anyway, it'll look like this:



It won't come in for anywhere between one and two weeks, but it finally sort of sank in I'd have a computer all my own, just for my work. That's what N. said. It's a gift to show his faith in my writing and how much he supports my dreams. And now I think I'm gonna cry.

;)

Photog Blog

Personal Notes: At the bottom of the post today, due to its overwhelming cuteness, and the pixel blitz this blog is hosting today. Also, I have to post today, so it looks like things are rocking in two parts.

I'm not quite as computer savvy as I'd like to be. I'm a total internet junkie, one of those people who either keeps her email open in the back tab of her browser, or checks it thirty times a day, and I love the social networking, etc., but the programming aspect? Well, let's just say I wish I were more Geek Chic (my husband is; I married an adorkable). I have friends who would know what they were doing if I asked them to webmaster something for me, they just won't be asking me to lend my expertise, because I would break something (hey, there is power in knowing your limitation, too).

But you know what I can do? I can copy, resize, and post a few dozen pictures of people I think might be good fits for playing characters from the Dionadir trilogy . . . and yes, I know how egotistical that kind of sounds, but trust me, every writer I've ever know has tried to find an actor who embodies their character. It's not just me. All you writers, quit ducking and running. Own your arrogance.

In the role of Jocelyn Oliviero:

Margarita Levieva********Brooke Nevin*********Jessy Schram*******Kara's sketch of Joss


In the role of Sebastien Solis:

Kara's sketch of Sebastien for ref.


In the role of Tristan Solis:

*****Grant Alan***************Travis Van Winkle*********Christopher Egan


In the role of Bronwyn Solis:
****Deborah Ann Woll*************Zoe Boyle*****FeliceFawn, Aleksa*********Molly C. Quinn





How My Jeans Are a Holy Commitment

Personal Notes: I won't tell my husband I'm wearing his Gamer shirt if you won't. And I promise not to spill coffee on it.

So, Sunday morning my husband and I are getting ready for church, and usually that means some sort of skirt/dress or nice pants for me, but that morning I'm digging through my closet for a pair of jeans and a comfy sweater. The following conversation occurs:

Me: In case you're wondering, yes, I'm wearing these to church.
N.: Okay . . .
Me: I've got children's church today. God and I have an understanding. I'll cram as much of His love into those little heads as I can, as long as I can do it from the comfort of my Levi's.
N.: Well, in the Bible it says something about preparing yourself to be in the presence of the Lord* . . . "
Me: Well, I might have to chase them . . .
N.[laughing]: Ah, hence the jeans.
Me: Exactly.

This got me thinking about how much I love my jeans, and how I will wear them until they are D-E-A-D, dead, because I love them so much. I'm like that with lots of stuff I love. In college I actually put together a 4by6 FOOT poster board type thing and collaged the Hades out of it with things to represent all the things I loved. And then I threw a big party and ambushed all my closest friends at the door, insisting they go through their purses and wallets, and pick something to add to the collage. I wrote to out-of-state friends and had them mail stuff. I kept the thing through three moves and for six years. After that it had disintegrated beyond moving again. And you know what? I MISS IT. I miss that big poster collage of the things and people I love (in fact, maybe I need to make a new one. Be on the lookout for--fairly flat--stuff to send me, if I do, because I love you people, too, and I'd want you in on it).

When writing, I'm just as much of a pack rat. I write way too much in my first drafts. With Silver the first draft was more than TWICE the word count** of the final product. Even last week I shaved another 5K off the manuscript, a large part of it a scene--some of you know it as the 'temptation circus' scene--I have always loved, but it had to go. It was a speed bump, and great as it was it just didn't belong anywhere in that book. I couldn't fit it anywhere, which royally bit, as far as I was concerned.

But I didn't delete it, which is where the moral comes into this whole thing. The scene was like my jeans; perfectly broken in, comfortable, made me smile. I couldn't just trash it, even though there was a huge grin-like rip under the right rear pocket, which invariably showed off my Grumpy Bear Underoos. Even though I'd gotten paint on the thighs, and the hems had kind of shrunk a little. I couldn't get rid of it. I loved it too much. Even after I finally surrendered to the truth of it never fitting in that book, I gently copied-and-pasted it into an 'outtakes' file. You know, just in case.

And lo and behold, what happened when I let go? The scene--albeit, divided into two parts like a pair of cut-offs--settled into the places where it belonged as if it always had, in the second Dionadir novel, Golden.

So here's this. Don't mourn the scenes you love but have to cut. It may just be a case of reincarnation. Make them a nice electronic coffin and wait to see what happens.

In other news, look at the new pretty thing I'm a part of! Especially if the words "young adult" feature prominently anywhere in your life.

*And now no one can figure out what the Hades he was referencing, not even my amazing pastor/dad-in-law. *laughs*

**Because when you're ready to get serious, agents/editors are interested in knowing your word count, not page count. Page counts are relative, depending on formatting, whereas word count in concrete. Just a little FYI for my young ladies.

Covering All My Bases

It's kind of all personal today. I'm giving you the first chapter of the novel, Silver. No stealing, because I'm not sweet enough not to sue you for it.


“If I speak in the tongues of men and angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a tinkling cymbal.
And if I have prophecy and know all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.”

1 Corinthians 13:1-2, NIV


“Hey baby, I don't wanna be your Superman.I just wanna be your man and I'll be super, baby.You'll be standin' in the sunshine,I'll be standin' right here in the rain.You save me and I will save the day.”

“Save the Day” by Train.



Chapter One: Dead Boy Stalking

The stench has a real mosh pit quality going for it, as if Body Odor has gotten bored hanging out by himself, called up his buddies, Stale Beer and Cigarettes, and the three of them have leeched onto the skeeze now standing way too close to my best friend and me.

The source of the smell hovers close, his dirty jeans near our faces. “Did it hurt?” he asks, leering at Jules through shanks of muddy brown hair.

Jules looks up at him from her seat on a root of our favorite tree in Garrett Park and stares him down in a way only someone as classically beautiful as she can.

“Don’t bother finishing that tired line,” she warns. “First, no it didn’t hurt when I ‘fell from heaven’, though my mother may have a different answer for you. Secondly, you’ll think the consequences excruciating if you don’t leave before I get my bag open.”

He throws his hands up, warding her off. “Hey-hey, babe, I just wanta talk,” he says, and then aims his yellowed grin at me. “What about this itty-bitty friend of yours? Whadda ya say, cutie? You up for some action?”

I edge closer to Jules, my stomach souring. Jules raises one arm, a small canister dangling from her finger. “What Jocelyn is up for is watching me spray about two ounces of cayenne into your eyes.”

The creep sneers at her like a cartoon vampire threatened with garlic. “Baby, you don’t know what you’re missin’. I could show you a coupla things.”

“All the same, I prefer my world left unrocked, thanks.”

He leanes in, deciding to risk the macing, but a pair of long, black slacks blocks him out before the creep gets within range of the spray.

The new guy has circled around from behind the trunk of our tree, facing away, and the smooth motion hasn’t allowed us to see his face, but he isn’t anyone I recognize from my vantage point.
“If you attempt to show either of them anything--and let’s be clear I mean ever--I will take immeasurable pleasure in breaking several of your bones,” he warns.

My ears perk up at the silky, confident sound of his voice. He has just a touch of some kind of accent.

“You could try, pretty boy, but I bet you couldn’t break an egg,” the creep laughs. The grating sound reminds me of anti-smoking ads.

The boy cocks his head at an inquisitive angle, and for a second the air feels electric, a fission waving through the atmosphere. “Au contraire, my grimy friend, I make an omelet to-die-for, but that’s neither here nor there,” he says, then flicks his gloved hand in a dismissive gesture. “Run along.”

Something about our rescuer must freak McGreasy out, because his eyes bulge, the wheels in his brain visibly spinning as he backpedals. “Yeah, well good luck with these two. They don’t know how to have fun, anyway,” he growls before taking off down the hill at an anxious lope.

Without waiting for us to thank him, the mystery man turns his head slightly, just short of letting us see his face. “Ladies, let’s not make a habit of this, shall we?”

His long strides take him out of earshot in seconds, leaving us staring after him.

“Wow,” I breathe, somewhere between amused and perplexed. “Who was that masked man, anyway?”

“No idea,” Jules answers. “But did you see the color of his hair? Hi-oh, Silver, away! ”

I nod, but don’t mention how the stranger’s only direct remark to us had sounded more condescending than heroic to me.

*****
I make it in just as my mother checks on something delicious-smelling in the oven, the scrape of the door clasheing with the wistful hum coming from the kitchen. I don’t recognize the song, but don’t question it. Mom and Dad like lots of stuff from what they consider “far away, simpler times”. Of course, they’re only in their mid forties, so, really how much different does that make?

I hang my coat on the rack and squat to wrestle with my sneaks. The shuffling tips off Mom to my presence; she calls for me to get ready for dinner, ducking her head around the doorframe. “Would you mind setting the table? I’ll be up to my elbows in greens in a minute, and Gracie is due to wake up.”

I nod, grinning because Mom hasn’t asked me to help with the food. Her few attempts at teaching me to cook failed so miserably no one lets me do anything more culinary that nuke stuff.

My little sister’s giggles erupt from her room as I come back from washing my hands. I tiptoe to her door, turning the knob slowly so I can lumber in, sniffing everywhere in an impression of her favorite kiddie show character.

Gracie’s laughter gets louder the closer I get to her until I ask, “What smells like . . . sunflowers?” and sniff at the edge of her toddler bed. “Why, it’s you!” I exclaim, and swing her up onto my hip, snuffling at her neck.

Back in the kitchen, I belt her into her booster seat so she can watch while I lay out the flatware and Mom trades out a juicy pot roast for a tray of dinner rolls. Mom smiles softly at us over her shoulder and resumes humming.

“Catchy tune,” I say. “What is it?”
Mom’s smile takes on a dreamy note. “An old Gershwin number called ‘Someone to Watch over Me’. Your father played Jimmy Winters in the play, you know.”

The father in question walks into the room as if on cue, slides his briefcase onto the bar, and bends to kiss Mom’s cheek.

I stare at him. “Really? You sang in something?”

“Is your mother telling on me, again? I assume you refer to my singular foray into musical theatre. Don’t look so flabbergasted, Joss. We’re braver about a lot of things when we’re young. Unfortunately, I expect you’ll learn that for yourself as time passes. Take your chances now, while you’re still young enough to believe in them.

*****

The next morning Gracie’s asleep in bed beside me. I slide myself out as quietly as possible, uncurling her tiny fingers from the end of my braid. She’s already up and downstairs before I get back from my shower.

I round the corner at the bottom floor to see her studying the strawberry swirls in her oatmeal. Mom’s standing near Dad, sliding bacon onto his plate while he writes last-minute notes on a legal pad for his teaching assistan. Dad teaches my nemesis subject, math, at the tiny liberal arts college here in Staunton.

Bending to kiss her oatmeal-streaked face, I ask Gracie, “How are you this morning, sweetie?”
Mouth stuffed with breakfast she grins and points to her lips.

I compliment her. “Oh, forgive me. I see Miss Manners has done well with you.”

Dad already has the coffee going, so I make a full-on advance toward my morning I.Q.-booster, taking a travel mug from the cabinet. Mom shoots me a disapproving look, but I shake my head at her. “Mom, I’m sixteen. I don’t think you can blame coffee for stunting my growth at this point. Besides, I’m two inches taller than you,” I tease.

Dad, ever the diplomat, clears his throat. “You’re both beautiful. All my pixie ladies are. Joss honey, you better get going if you don’t want to make Jules wait.”

“Good point,” I say. “Mom, you don’t need any help this afternoon, do you? I thought I’d have Jules drop me at Garrett after school, knock out my homework before break starts.”

“That’s fine, sweetheart, but make sure you stay in the shade. You know how easily you burn,” she cautions.

“And I’d like you back before dark,” Dad adds.
“Dinnertime at the latest,” I promise as I pluck a muffin from the bowl on the table. Blueberry. Yum.

“Duly noted. Call if something changes.”

“Roger that.”

*****

It takes a kind of performance art to navigate the clogged arteries of Lee High’s hallways, dodging limbs and squeezing through spaces not normally reserved for the human body. The kissing couples, sneaking smokers, and furtive freaks I wind my way around don’t have a prayer of seeing a Master of Stealth Mode like me. Finally, I hold my breath, sprint like a kid playing tag for the safety of my homeroom desk, and drop gratefully into my seat, exhaling, “Base!”

I shove my mittens into my bag and something whooshes by my ear, making me jump and look up. Across the room Drew Christian, AKA Drew the Adorable, smiles shyly at me and calls an apology. He nods at the floor by my feet where a rainbow-striped hacky sack rests against my left Sketcher.

I toss the ball back, blushing when his dimples sink deeper into his cheeks as he thanks me. The bell rings, and Drew slides into his own desk, tapping a pencil against his thigh in his own internal rhythm.

I sigh, wishing at least one of us had more guts. It’s been a ‘crush at first sight’ situation for me, and I’m pretty sure it is for Drew too, but I can’t seem to make a move. Any time he tries to talk to me, I practically go mute, like there’s an invisible hand smacking over my mouth.
Kids trickle into the room, getting settled while our homeroom teacher, Mrs. Meyer calls roll. I’m too busy trying to make sense of the messy stack of papers I need for my first class to look up when she says, “Oliviero, Jocelyn,” but I give her a little wave to let her know I’m here. Meyer continues down her list, ticking off names.

The room’s rustling murmur stills when she calls “Solis”. Bodies swivel to stare at a new kid sprawled in the center desk. I’m not sure how we missed him before. He isn’t the kind of person you overlook. Still, one second nobody’s there and the next the guy who’d played savior for Jules and me yesterday sits in the middle of the room. He lifts one black-gloved finger in acknowledgement.

Meyer looks lost for a second, but apparently finds his name on the roster, checks it, and picks up where she left off.

I—along with the rest of the class--study this teenage ninja, able to sneak into high school classrooms undetected. Almost white hair spills back from a beautiful, compelling face, pale features cutting a sharp fineness around eyes blazing a degree too brightly, like storm clouds lit from behind. For a moment they trap mine, and something in my core recoils. He watches me with an awful clarity, like he knows all my dirty little secrets, maybe even ones I don’t know about.

I drop my gaze to his chest and notice how his silvery-grey sweater outlines his wide shoulders and smooth abdomen. Darker corduroy pants wrap around his legs as if made for him. Monochrome doesn’t work on most guys. It does on him.

Lee’s typical “It” girl, Chrissy Anderson, gapes at him, her mouth working open and closed like a goldfish. I silently bet even money she’ll have his phone number before the day’s out.

Mrs. Meyer finishes doing her thing and releases us back into the wilds of higher education. At the end of the day I hurry outside to find sanctuary in a BMW parked in the student lot.

Jules sits behind the wheel, laughing at my rush. “Honestly Jocelyn, you’ve lived in Virginia for all sixteen years of your life; you’d think you’d have adapted by now. Are you purposefully fighting it off?”

“It’s an under-appreciated talent, not giving in to Staunton’s schizo weather. I think I should get a little plaque or something.”

Jules laughs again, this time with me, instead of at me. “I’ll get on that as soon as I’m back from Aspen.”

“What time’s your flight leaving?”
“Six, or I’d invite you over to defrost, but you know how Gram and Gramps feel about punctuality. Better not risk being late to the airport.”

I shrug. “It’s no big. You still have all your cool points for giving me a ride. And speaking of cool, you’ll never guess who showed up in homeroom this morning. The Blonde Avenger himself. I missed his first name because I couldn’t find my stupid history homework, but his last name’s Solis.”

Jules face lights up with mischief. “I can do better than that. I think he must be a twin, because we had a new boy in Trig today, except he’s the first one’s polar opposite. Named Tristan, has gold-blond hair, kind of curly, and enough muscles to win a grudge match against a garbage truck. You talk to yours?”

“Um, no.” I grimace.
She settles into her seat, hand on the gear shift. “Of course not. I don’t know what I was thinking.” She gives me a dirty look. “At least promise me you’ll attempt to have fun—and by ‘fun’ I mean ‘talk to Drew’--during the break, okay? Oh, and don’t forget it’s your turn to drive when we get back. I can’t always have a toasty Beamer ready at your beck and call, no matter how impressive you meteorological denial skills.”
*****

Garrett Park is deserted with the surprising exception of the first-nameless Solis kid. If I could will him away all would be right with the world.

Careful not to let him see, I sneak a look at him. He’s leaned against the far lamp post, his body relaxed and careless, arms crossed loosely in front of him, but his gaze doesn’t match. It bores into me, too intense, too focused.

Stop staring at me. Stop staring at me or I’ll march over there and smack you silly.

He doesn’t budge, and luckily for him, I don’t have it in me to actually hit anyone. A shame; some senseless violence might do the trick. I realize that isn’t exactly a Zen outlook, but then violence is a passionate emotion and passion is considered good by most people.
Oh, come on! I just want to sit under my tree and read my book for a while, listen to some tunes in peace. It’s not too much to ask.

I fumble for my handy-dandy Mp3 player, turning it up until it blares a ‘burst your eardrums’ volume, and tell myself to concentrate on my textbook, but immediately a flash of light draws my attention to the fluffy white splotches freckling the sunny sky. The lack of storm clouds doesn’t surprise me, but the silence following it does. Still, lightning means rain, and rain means time to seek shelter. Even Park Boy appears to know this, as he’s disappeared. I wrap up my headphones and tuck my book safely away in my backpack.
My search for a haven from the storm ends in front of Vinyl, the tiny music shop next to the Bookstack. I suck in a much-needed deep breath and walk in on shaky legs. More than likely Drew’s working inside, therefore my ability to use multi-syllable words is about to bail on me.

Sure enough, he stands, behind the counter waiting on another customer. He throws me a distracted grin that should come with its own warning label: Viewer Beware! Direct Contact May Induce a Trance-like State. I duck behind a rack of CDs for safety’s sake, and pick through them until I find one I want to check out.

By the time I’ve scanned most of the new releases Drew’s finished with the other customer and nods me over. His dimples hit me full-force as he says, “Hey, Joss. How’s things?”

I do my best to disengage my “idiot gear” and answer. “Fine, thanks. You?”

“You know, getting in billable hours. I’m saving toward a new camera. My old Nikon’s shot.”

As if I don’t have everything about you memorized already. I nod and pass my CD over, a twenty resting on top.

He holds up the punk album. “Out of everyone who comes in here you are by far the most unpredictable. Last week you bought country, and this week you pick this?”
“That’s me. I like to keep people guessing.”

Another silent flash brightens the air. Drew’s eyes flicker outside. “Unbelievable storm, huh? All the visual effects you could ask for, but they forgot to crank the bass.”

“Yeah, crazy,” I nervously agree.

Drew’s grin widens, and he punches numbers into the register. A shifting image in the mirrored wall behind him catches my eye as he gets out my change. Park Boy is holding up the bricks across the street, watching me again. Drew says something, but I miss it and have to ask him to repeat himself.

“I said break’ll speed by too fast to settle for ‘fine’. Maybe someone could help you slow it down.”
I almost ask if he feels like volunteering, but two things stop me: One, I still make the Cowardly Lion look like Hercules and two, Park Boy has given me a disgusted look, shoved himself from the wall, and taken off down the sidewalk.

That’s done it. I scoop up my sack, mumble something insensible to Drew about him having fun too, and scramble out the door after Sir-Stares-A-Lot. I might not be able let an adorable boy know I dig him, but Heaven help me if I can’t tell some jerk his one-man investigation isn’t appreciated.

Outside I scan both sides of the street but he’s disappeared. A flare of white flashes onto Frederick so I take off after it at top my speed. I’m so breathless by the time I reach the bend my, “Hey! Hold on! ” comes out barely audible. He doesn’t stop. I’ve lost him.

*****

My mother doesn't know it, but she's trying to kill me. I get home only to find my stalker sitting at my kitchen table, and my mother grinning at him like he’s the son she’s always wished she’d had.

“Jocelyn, I’m so glad you’re home. It’s the most wonderful thing; I’d like you to meet Sebastien Solis. His mother was my best friend in college, before she had to go back to her family in Scotland.”

He must have gotten there just before me, because he’s still wearing his coat and gloves when he rises from his chair and offers me his hand. “Actually, we’ve bumped into one another a couple times already, Mrs. Oliviero, but we’ve not had the opportunity to properly introduce ourselves.”

I can’t refuse with my mom standing there all thrilled and stuff, so I make myself smile at him and shake his hand as if I haven’t understood his inside joke.

“Sebastien tells me he and his siblings have come to the states because Mel wants them to experience a little of what we have to offer before they settle on colleges.”

“It’s a little early for that, isn’t it?” I ask. “I mean, you’re a Junior like me, right?”
“It worked out better for our American relatives for us to come this year.”

My mother beams. “I wish Mel had told me she was sending you, but no matter. You must all stay for dinner. I’m making fried chicken.” Sebastien protests, but my mother won’t listen. “No, I insist. Call your brother and sister, and we can all get to know one another.”

I expect him to refuse again; instead he grins at her and says Tristan and Bronwyn are busy for the evening, but he’d love to stay.

Mom beams some more and tells me to take Sebastien to the living room and keep him company. Thankfully, she doesn’t see the irritated way I jerk my head at him to follow me.

“I’m sorry,” he says as he sits on the sofa, out of earshot of my mother. “Did I do something to offend you?”

“Gee, well you could explain why you’ve been following me, Eddie.”

“I have no idea to what you’re referring.”

“Puh-leeze. You’re everywhere I go today, first the park and now Vinyl. You’re studying me like I’m some kind of science experiment.”

“Begging your pardon, but I haven’t . . .”

“Yes you have,” I huffed. “Explain.”

His eyes harden, and he crosses his ankle over his knee. “Fine, I’m guilty of looking at a pretty girl. Fortunately, finding you interesting isn’t a punishable offense, so you’re out of luck if you want to press charges.”

“What an arrogant thing to say! Look . . .”

“Sebastien.”

I blank. “Huh?”
A conceited grin plays at the corners of his mouth. “My name? It’s Sebastien. If my mother had wanted people to associate me with a vampire, I’m sure she’d have christened me ‘Lestat’, instead.”

I blink at him, surprised he’s caught the vamp reference, and then I frown because of how easily he’s made me feel small and immature. Seriously, something about this guy stirs me up. It isn’t fair. I think. He was rude first.

“You were saying . . .?” He goes on.

“Whatever. You’ve satisfied your curiosity. There’s nothing even remotely interesting about me so you can get on with your own business.”

“Ah,” he murmurs, “I beg to differ. You do all sorts of interesting things. Take for instance how you blush when talking with a boy, or how you read outside this late in the year? Not many people would risk the chill of a fall afternoon in the park, even for a good tale. You want something to create body heat, get the heart rate up.”

He practically purrs the word “heat,” his implication pooling liquid and thick somewhere low in my body. I shift backwards a little.

He leans closer, matching me. “It’s difficult to ignore a lone girl catching up on her library finds, you see. By the way, do you always talk with your hand whirling about like that, or do you only do it when you’re nervous?”

“Do you always interrupt with random commentary?” I counter, and check the urge to shove my hyperactive hand in my pocket. “By all that’s holy, I just love books more than the average bear.”

“Oh, no. Now you’ve done it.”

“Done what?”

“A pretty girl with a brain? Even without considering our mothers’ prior relationship it would be impossible to ignore you after learning of your literary prowess. I’ll have to see how this plays out.”

I grin too sweetly. “Oh, it’s a brilliant beauty you’re looking for? In that case, you should ask my friend Jules to show you around town. She knows all the historically significant spots.”

He laughs again, not the least bit put off. “I think I’d rather have you.”

Sometimes the Tee-shirt Gets It Wrong

Personal Note: As you may imagine, I am a serious lover of words. I've got so many of them crammed into my head-even some in other languages-I have no room in there for numbers. Numbers make me cry, and words make my soul sit up and take notice. So, it's really, really odd to me with all this wordage in my system I totally, totally suck at Scrabble. I can kick butt at Balderdash and no one has EVER taken me in Scattergories, but put the most classic, most famous, possibly simplest-form word board game in front of me and I can't win to save my soul. No kidding.

Now, about that slogan business . . .

The other day while I shopped for a few things for my oldest's birthday party (Go eight, baby!) I came across a tee-shirt printed with the admonition, Inspire Those You Love, which I find to be a lovely sentiment.

However, I feel it's rather easy to inspire those you love. You love them and therefore you are naturally inclined to want to be the best person you can for them. Wanting to inspire those you love isn't something you think about. Don't mistake me, I got what the tee-shirt meant. Yes, yes, be the kind of person your loved ones aspire to be like, the kind of person they are bursting with pride for. Certainly a beautiful goal and one we should all hope to reach. I'm all for it. I practice it myself. I've got an amazing, sometimes-jerk-but-always-just-what-I-need husband, and three indescribably cool sons, all totally individual to inspire. My oldest little beauty, Gabriel, is old enough and adult-in-a-child's-body enough to understand what it means that Mom is a 'writer', how it's important. He knows how much I like to read, and while he's a math person and reading comes slowly to him he still pushes on with it because he wants to make me proud and to be like me. Dear heaven, you don't know how much that swallows my heart whole.

So, understand I'm not downplaying inspiring those YOU love.

But I think it's just as important, neck and neck, with loving those you inspire.

I am more honored than I can ever describe to have people who test read for me, read my blog and get something helpful from it, to have young women (and yes, even a couple of young men), peers, others in this 'writer wannabe' boat, feel encouraged and take hope from my thoughts and scribblings. When my own faith falls short it's their hope for me that brings me back. I can't give up because what a horrible misuse of their belief in me would that be? Somehow, in ways too mind-blowing and obscure to understand I, stupid, boring, scared me, inspired them so how could I justify letting that inexplicable blessing fade away?

Nope. Can't. Because, you see, something in the transfer of hopes between us has done more than bond us as advisor and students. It has given me the most genuine of love for them. Like the love I have for my own children, who were born of my body, I have love for them, born of my passions.

Sometimes I forget why I wish on stars. They remind me.