Subdued Intrinsic

Personal Notes: I learned how to mow the lawn Tuesday. With a push-mower. In sub-tropical heat. Have decided I need to work out more.

I think it's safe to say the majority of my readership is female so I want you to think about what I might mean if I say I get in this mood every so often. Got it? Okay, we can proceed.

I am at an interesting point in my 'trying to become a published writer' career, one of those borderline points. In case you didn't know, everything in my head has a physical, visual representation and in this case it's like one of those FourSquare courts, a square divided into four equal parts and I'm standing there, bouncing my ball in the first one, but I'm just about ready to step into the second one. This first square is writing my first book, learning what it means to write a book, learning how to edit it. The next square is scarier; putting it out there, being open to judgement, being open to certain failure, because while someone eventually will say 'yes' a lot more people will say 'no' first. And the next square involves writing a second book because one doesn't promote the first book to the exclusion of any other work.

And that scares me. Rejection is painful, but at least I'm familiar with it. I know I can take it. The unknown of writing a new book scares the crap out of me. I spin in circles, unsure of what to do next, all my possibilities crowding in on me.

It's crazy, that's what it is. I am on the playground for the Sanity-challenged and we're all fighting over the teeter-totter.