Showing posts with label tricksey. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tricksey. Show all posts

When You Dream in Short Stories


My church is by no means out in the boonies, despite being in a one stoplight town (which we don’t even actually need). Still, we take care of a variety of animals that have nowhere else to go, and when the roof of their building gets done in by a seriously strong thunder storm the congregation steps up to temporarily house the otherwise homeless animals.

This is how I found my tiny, 1980’s model single-wide trailer stuffed to the brim (and secret basement compartment? There wasn’t a lot down there, but there wasn’t nothing, either) with wild things. At least two tarantulas with bodies as big as my head, fuzzy and caramel colored like Fozzie the Bear shared a cage with a fox kit. A group of a mama duck and several ducklings, plus a one-eye-blind, fat, fat tabby had taken over my closet. Nieces and nephews crowded into the miniscule living room, which mainly boasted a much-too-big fold-out couch. Granted, the nieces and nephews weren’t part of the ecclesiastical zoo, but they were just as beastly.

The next morning, I pilfer donuts from the master bedroom in my mother’s apartment (I guess we live in a magical, place-changing abode); they’re half stale, and I can’t choose which I actually want, so I commit the sin of taking a bit from each one. Send my little brother off to school on his bike. I have no school to attend, just drama about all of us getting kicked out onto the street for reasons I don’t know. Perhaps our mother has offended someone, or not paid a debt, or any of the other irresponsibility that slip off her being like a native language. Whatever it is, she’s not around, and we’re cast from our belongings.

Apparently, HE is having none of this. Copper gold skin and eyes and charm coiled in layers around his person—I know his name, but I don’t say it, don’t think it, shy away from the fragility of it. He gathers me flush up against his side and drags me along, his smile and infectious confidence like a thread sewn down the seam of us, binding me to him. The force of his magnetism pulls in more people the closer we get to the apartment. His best friend, all red hair, all over. Jeremy and Stephanie, who break up and get back together so regularly you can set your watch by them, agree to help us break in just so we can get our stuff out. Cousins, charmed off of the rusty equipment at the complex playground.

Even the manager, who blusters and yells only when Ryan grabs the corner of the brick building and pries away one wall to gain access. He clears away a guitar in its case, a sax, some other instrument—perhaps a base drum.

"Hey," I say, clinging to the edge of the broken floor, putting a hand to Ryan’s shoulder. "There’s enough room for me to crawl through, unlock the door from the inside. Let’s get the rest that way."

But the manager, down on the grass, the soft, spongy grass below, calls up, irate and immutable. “You can’t do that! Only the King of the apartment can grant permission to take out belongings!” he huffs.

I drop to the spongy grass, knocking onto hands, rear end, and feet in my nearness. “I *am* the King,” I say, smiling him a dare to contradict me.

He scuttles back a foot, like a crab. “But you still need a second nationality to confirm the things are yours … “

Scanning the crowd, find a cousin, guide her before him with fingers cupped at the nape of her neck. “She’s half Puerto Rican. Will that do?”

His eyes bulge, doubtful, because the cousin I’ve grabbed is all over as pale as moonlight. She practically casts a lunar glow around herself. But, it’s true. She *is* actually half-Puerto Rican, so I feel no shame.

Whether he believes me or not, he nods. I smile at him, then at my friends, hanging from ledges, and swinging from handholds they’ve made of window boxes. “We’re good! Let’s come back later!”

I want to think of something else, do something else, and suddenly He and I are at the gym, and I’m contemplating some machine having to do with those muscles that make smart girls stupid. I don’t need to make any smart girls stupid, but I wouldn’t myself mind feeling a little more muscular, so I decide instead to use a machine something of a human-sized hamster ball. It’s all pinging wires straining at angles designed to make me work for the feeling of being in a flight simulator. I’m told I’m using it incorrectly, which surprises absolutely no one, but it’s okay, because the buses to take us to the festival in the quarter have arrived. Two or more pairs of fat and fluffy leathered headphones dangle over each seat bench so riders can enjoy music or silence on the trip.

But I don’t want to take the bus. Already hot, I want to walk, tracking myself down the scrollwork of a stairway. Hot breath pins Him to the wall, just enough humidity in the air and fresh sweat on our bodies that we need not worry about friction between them. Even with the temperatures soaring around us, the coolness of his skin makes my chest burn. It’s sticky, and I hate sticky, but I don’t hate this. I want more from it.

He kisses me through his smile. It’s a heaviness that makes no sense. Senseless, and overwhelming every sense I’ve got. A consumption.

"After this let’s go home, take showers, and *not* get dressed," I whisper, my face somehow having found his abdomen, which is soft and smooth, but so very slim, and my mouth grazing the bare belly-button where his shirt’s flipped up. His jeans aren’t new enough to cling any higher than the space just below his hipbones.

He smiles that smile again. I may have a heart attack, seriously. Just BOOM! But he grabs my hand, pointing over the railing, out of the shadows slicing across our enclosed space. “Look! And I’ve got a couple of free passes.”

A squashy older woman in a floral dress and squashier hat festooned with aging silk flowers stands at the ready behind the bar of a rickshaw. He wants to ride to the concert in that thing. I inspect the old lady again, doubting she can haul anything with speed, let alone a rickshaw carrying two people.

"Wait here for a bit, then," He says. "I’ll test her out first," and off He strides, almost hopping through the crowds in his enthusiasm before I even open my mouth to answer.

I ‘m sort of used to this kind of behavior. I sigh, knowing I couldn’t have stopped him, regardless. If I weren’t immune to blissful ignorance, I’d find this quality of His infectious. As it is, I’ve instead learned a lot about patience, because I love him. I think probably everybody loves him, but I do in the closest proximity.

Time on my hands, I look around to see what else might occupy them. All around me every horizontal surface is covered with coffee mugs spilling over with perennials. Flowers of every short, stunty variety, colorful and stubborn, strain against ceramics sporting logos and snarky comments. It’s a sea of seedlings and sarcasm.

Some radio station has set up a DJ booth, but instead of tunes being the main attraction, author and my own acquaintance, Heather Marie is doing a book signing. The promoter has done a bang-up job. Her name is EVERYWHERE. It’s on the plastic covering the insulation of a building under construction, for goodness’s sake. In screaming hot pink. Heather is doing well, buddy

Which is great, but not my business at the moment, because I’ve spotted a magazine, and there on one half of the center fold, unblemished by staples, He poses. And HE’s gorgeous, of course. He couldn’t be less than beautiful if he tried, as far I’m concerned. It isn’t fair, actually. There’s some short-haired female, but who cares. It isn’t her image chasing adrenaline down my veins..

How is it suddenly dusk? The sun has fallen in the sky as if it wanted to get a good look, too, and thrust itself too hard, overshooting the horizon. Naked lightbulbs dangle from wires strung overhead. The DJ announces there’s a prize for the first person who can answer the following question about Heather Marie.

"What celebrity musician told Heather on Instagram that turning 44 doesn’t matter at all?

I grin, knowing the answer even as the crowd surges forward, shouting themselves hoarse getting it wrong.

I laugh quietly to myself, quietly getting it right.

A giant of a man with the face and aura of John Torturo notices. He’s got to be eight feet tall. One of his hands could easily encircle my entire waist. He turns his face in the direction of the DJ and hollers that there’s a tiny little thing over here who knows, but the crowd is so loud the DJ can’t hear even him. I don’t mind.

Someone does eventually get the answer, and moments later the crowd disappears, a swarm of mosquitoes sensing fresh blood elsewhere. Now there’s room to lean against the booth, even a free barstool so I don’t need to stand. My eyes tease Heather while her husband starts packing out empties and balling up discarded shrink wrap behind her.

"How’s Dido lately, anyway. Had enough of her, yet?" I ask.

Heather ignores my question, her face a wreath of wryness. “You still waiting?”

Suddenly, the far away clouds seem very interesting.

But.

Then there He is. Different rickshaw, different, driver, same would-be infectious smile, and He has my brother sitting next to Him, home from school, the straps of his backpack wound around his ankles to keep it from falling out.

The adrenaline chases down my veins again, slamming so hard into my nerve endings I suck in a shuddering breath to ease all this pressure in my chest.

I understand about the happiness attached to Him. I get it. Like the situation is a promise pirouetting on the tips of my fingers, one whorl from shattering completely.

How come this terror is so addictive?

Sorry, Mate; I Bat for the Other Team

In television dramas (yeah, I'm gonna be harping on them for a while: get used to it), there's this thing often mentioned during a relationship. They call it "playing push and pull". Sometimes this refers to what most English-speaking folk refer to as "playing hard to get", but sometimes what "playing push and pull" really means is emotionally dragging someone back and forth.

Aren't they the same thing? No. One is a manipulation whilst still anticipating a concrete, specific result (Person A and Person B end up either in a relationship, or they don't). The other has a sort of third party element, because it isn't what one Person A does to Person B regarding themselves; it's what Person A does to Person B in order to shape or manipulate Person B's view or perspective of Situation C (which could be a couple pairing, traumatic circumstances, what have you).

Another possibly new-to-you term coined by drama addicts: Second Lead Syndrome. In short, SLS is the affliction of the observer rooting for the third party in a love triangle--the one who obviously isn't going to win. Most dramas, at least 95% of them, leave the Second Lead cold and alone, or if they're generous, with some glimmer of a positive occurrence via some other avenue in the last five minutes of the last episode.

The most brilliant dramas, though, are the ones where both romantic prospects are written in such a way as to drive the reader running back and forth between camps. How? I swear it's gotta involve some sort of potion or magic spell, or soul-selling sorcery. Do the writers make both options so prime as to be a golden choice either way? Are they they drama equivalent of a Mary Sue? Nope. Those don't work. As with novels, it's boring.

Not that I'm an expert, but the trick is so far as I can tell lies in giving something admirable and something vulnerable to both . . . and then taking turns in revealing those things so that the reader/watcher/voyeur/whatever is never quite convinced which is the "best" relationship. A Thing to watch out for, though. Waffling. If your Object d'affection goes back and forth between the other two points of the triangle, he or she better do it for believable reasons. Same for the observer. You aren't necessarily going to switch teams mid-game just because the coach does. You may be switching beforehand, because you know something the coach doesn't, or you may not change your mind at all, because you have a broader view of the game. The character going back and forth just because the two prospects show her some new shiny thing time and again is . . . annoying. I once read a book wherein the girl claimed to love two boys at once, and she got all hot and bothered no matter which once was kissing her, or looking at her with goo-goo eyes. And I mean within pages, paragraphs even, of each other. I call "bull crap". You can be sincere to either, but not both, and if you think you can, you are deluding yourself, because that is a sign of needing to take some time to figure yourself out. That is a cop-out, a lame plot device, and a serious abuse of a good make-out scene. RESPECT THE MAKE-OUT SCENE. Sorry. Mini-rant.

Anyway.

Playing 'Push and Pull'. Manipulating a reader so that he or she can genuinely fall for One or the Other and Back Again multiple times before the last page of the story. The subject can become a heated one, and it's often polarizing for fans. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Will or Team Jem. Team Sorry I Have A Headache or Team So I Can't Bother with Other Examples. But was there ever a moment when A Team Edward member was swayed--even a second, even for just a blink or a sentence--over to Team Jacob? Sure there was. Was there a moment when a reader though, "Oh, yes. I know these two really want to be together, but wouldn't it be so much healthier/happier/sweeter/just for the other two to end up a couple, instead?" Of course.

So, how are you going to do it? How are you going to make a reader question their own preference? Second guess their own hearts? Spare a sigh for the other?

Get crackin'.

Personal Note: Youngest wants you to know that the Goblin King is famous for being a rock star.

I am not dead.

There was some germy business, and some apathy business, and perhaps a schedule to rival that of a Hallyu start brought me right to the precipice, but NOT DEAD.

Hopefully, more later, if I can get myself motivated enough.

Anybody notice how little writing I've got going on, lately?

The last line I wrote in The Book is:

"Drew surprises me."

And even though it's only about 55 pages in, and i know how things proceed, what happens, and the whereto's and whyfore's I cannot for the life of me WANT to write anything more.

Send . . . encouragement?

Sometimes My Brain is Funnier than I Am . . .

 . . . which can be saddening, 'cause you know, I can't use every giggle-worthy thing I come up with, either because they're a little off-color (hi, I'm a grown-up; nice to meet you), or there just really is no play for the remark/comment/scene.  So, that in mind, a few things rattling around in my brain that may or may not make the cut some day.

"Your fault?  Of course it's your fault. It's always your fault. There's a whole museum of things that are your fault. They're adding a Hall of Fault Fame. It's dedicated to the victims of your stupidity."

"It's okay. Every one knows your testicles are pretty much ornamental, anyway. You might as well bronze them and display them on the mantle for all the good they do you."

"Damn, girl! That was something else."
"Yeah, I know. I've sort of been doing it as a hobby for while, but I'm hoping to go for a full Bad-assary PhD in a couple years."

"I rent an apartment in what could arguably be described as Hell and you what--want to see me safely inside?"

Personal Note: A hard-core (possibly old lady-ish) pet peeve of mine is people breaking before they put on they're turn signal.  Seriously, how hard is it to tell yourself to flick on your signal a couple seconds before you put your foot on the break. I don't care what your DMV pamphlet says; the turn signal isn't so much about which way you're going as it is to tell the people behind you, "Hey, I'm going to slow down a lot here in a second, and I'm letting you know ahead of time because neither of us wants your hood shoved into my trunk."

Dear Rob Thomas, I Love Your Lyrics OR "Crutch"

"All you needed was a crutch.
One step away from down.
I could never be your crutch;
I could break you down."

We're going to have a little conversation about adjectives, but first I'm going to tell you why we're going to have a little talk about adjectives, even though the majority of  the people subscribe to this blog already know much of the following 'writerly advice' themselves.

There's a website called deviantArt where all manner of artistic expression may be put before the cyber world (which is why, though I love dA, I would not suggest you let your middle-schoolers view it without sitting-in-the-chair-next-to-them-all-filters-on-strict levels of parental guidance). Quite a bit of the literary arts at dA is comprised of fledgling writer hopefuls taking their first stab at the beast with no real zoological reference, known as a "successful novel".

These dear boys and girls may have all the imagination to make a decent go of it, but I find the absolute first earmark of Newbie-ism when I begin to read one of these offerings is the use of adjectives.

No, not *in* the use of adjectives--adjectives are splendiforous, in my opinion, even made-up ones--but rather in how the adjective is used. A very similar post on this blog addresses the same with adverbs (the crossbreed produced when one mixes the DNA from an adjective and a verb, and then lets it grow up as a latchkey part of speech, what with all that disreputable "-ly" business).

Strong, evocative writing rarely occurs if one uses adjectives (or yes, adverbs--slippery little rugrats) as a crutch for active tense.

Did I mention how much I believe in adjectives? I do, I do, but it's still true a strong, colorful, active verb will trump a flurry of adjectives almost every time.

And because I did not learn this on my own, I would very much like my readers, especially those who helped me learn the error of my own ways in this subject (*cough*Haveners*cough*), to take a moment to give one bad example of using adjectives as crutches, then giving a revised example of that same sentence, improved by some fantastic active verbage, in the comments, of course. Extra brownie points if you feel like being twice as generous and doing the same with adverbs, just as a refresher.


Personal Note: Last night I dreamt I'd left the house to go on some errand and when I got back my mother had invited over a band to rehearse, and they'd brought with them a bunch of agents, some of whom were of the literary variety. My mother gave them an old, unpolished copy of my mss, and I freaked. They liked it a lot, which made me feel like I was in trouble somehow, because if they liked THAT DRIVEL they couldn't be legit in the least. Then they made me take the annual Bunny Ocean Caves (something my brain completely made up, as we have no caves, and certainly no bunnies in them, though admittedly we have lots of ocean), and join their softball team. Um, if you don't know this about me, I am absolutely crap at most athletics, and I generally hate saltwater.

But I like bunnies . . . and caves. Even sandstoney ones.

Gift Shop

When God put in all my programming, He made me rather detail-oriented. I sweat the small stuff, as they say, but I also love minutia the best. It's a bit tough when trying to organize a big picture with a lot of tiny ones, though. A lot of holes go unfilled, cracks form between similar-but-not-the-same shapes, and then trying to arrange everything so it's airtight gets tough. Sometimes the wall you want to fix is the one keeping you from the solution.

People will advise taking a little time off to gain objectivity, or to regroup, or maybe just to gain insights at a less-frenzied pace. They'll say you just have to buckle down and write crap, as long as it's got you writing. They'll say print off a hard copy, or read aloud, or make a secondary copy and change the font formatting so the doc literally looks different, or to just take the bit you're having trouble with and write it in a completely blank doc so you don't feel the mental 'weight' of all the text before and after.

Those all work, and I won't say differently. They have all worked for me, in their turns. But sometimes they just don't. Sometimes you get into this funk, be it from frustration, from boredom with the whole business, from not seeing the end of the tunnel (forget the light; you can't even make out an exit strategy), and nothing makes you want to pick up where you left off before. Nothing about the prospect of continuing inspires any excitement in you, or at least not to any last, productive effect.

Everyone is different, so I can't say if stopping for any significant length of time is good or bad for you in particular, but I think you at least have to be able to give yourself a break without feeling guilty or worse as if you're failing.

Maybe it's good to have a concrete amount of time established; here if you're in a writing slump, I officially grant you one week of absolute guilt-free non-writing time. If something comes to you, jot down the gist of it, or the line or two you think of, then put it with the rest of your stuff and walk away, so at least you won't feel like you're neglecting your work. When you're that close to something, and thinking about something is that ingrained, it's really hard to STOP thinking about it. It's a a learned behavior, like worrying about your kids, or biting your nails.

It's tough. Be tougher by going easy on yourself.

*****

Personal Note: I love make-up, but I rarely actually wear it. I see the colors, and i want them, but then I tell myself time to use them. I just purchased a new eye-shadow palette and a new eye-liner, but I've not even opened either one.

Dude Looks Like a Lady

Personal Note: Yeah, it's a weird title, but it suits this PN . . . and I like Aerosmith. Okay, so if you don't know this, I refer to my closest beta readers as "My Ladies", because all of them are female. But! I do have male betas. Some of them are even man enough to be a Lady. Hence . . . well, you get it. So, for my babe-alicious boy betas, come on, rock out your frou-frou coffee and get with us. Some of us are even single. *waggles eyebrows suggestively toward Bri*

Also, special note. Kathleen Ortiz is being extremely gracious and hosting a contest: winner gets a Red Marker Deluxe go-over of his or her query letter, which is nothing to look in the mouth. Have a mosey over to Neverending Page Turner, and when you comment, tell her I sent you.

I feel--and this is an entirely arguable point--there are basically three main sorts of realistic bad guys in the realm of, well, anywhere really, but for the purposes of today, we're going with literature. Yes, generally all villains are tagged by their directly opposing the goals of the hero or heroine, but there's a lot to be said in there, and when writing a villain an author has to decide just what sort of animal she's working with, which species is best to set against her conquering hero. Yes, the antagonist can be any subset or combination of the three main types, but here's how I (disclaimer: usually) break down a a rival in any story I come across:


  1. The Sympathetic Villain Yeah, many a romance novel can tell you, just as a hero can be "anti", a villain can have a little somethin' somethin' going for him to make us see where he's coming from. Either he lost the love of his life back in the day, or he really truly believes the hero is in the wrong (although the reader knows this to be untrue), but for whatever reason some little part of us feels bad for this bad guy. It's possible this madman is charming, beautiful, charismatic, or thrilling. Maybe we even kind of-just a little bit-want him to get his way. We definitely hope there's justice for him, too, in the end. Example: Jareth the Goblin King in Labyrinth.
  2. The Unintentional Villain This dude just had the bad luck to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. He's not very smart, or attractive, or anything, really. He's usually at a loss, and if he does manage to cause trouble, it's almsost certainly accidental, something that just worked to his advantage, even if he didn't plan it out. He may have been the main henchman to someone with some real E-VILE potential at one point, but Master got blown out of the water somewhere along the way, leaving Igor flailing in his wake, trying to figure out how to get things done. And totally bombing. Example: Wormtail in the Harry Potter series.
  3. The Irredeemable Villain We hate this guy from the get go, and for good reason. We know there isn't a 'good' bone in his body. He's creative, cruel, and unrelenting. He will crush the heroine like the insignifcant bug she is, body, spirit and mind. He would sell his mother to Satan to attain his goals, but not his own soul because he believes himself far too important to let a little thing like Hell impede his plans. Even when he has assured himself the heroine is no longer a threat, he'll still continue to torture her for ever daring to oppose him. It isn't good enough for him to win, he must win AND ruin life for everyone else. Example: Capricorn in Cornelia Funke's Inkheart series, and since he's so fresh in my mind, President Snow in Collins's Hunger Games series.

And there's that. These opinions are brought to you by adjustments to my own Big Baddie, Horace Huckleby, now that I know what his real damage is. He's still a disgusting little toad, true, but now he's a disgusting little toad of a different color.

Right up there with "Butt-faced Miscreant" in my book . . .

Personal Note: I think it's one of the coolest things in the worlds that I'm Twitter/Aspiring Writer friends with a video game developer/programmer/whatever exactly that I wouldn't understand.

I'll admit it. I'd kind of given up. Burn out was approaching nuclear levels and any time I thought of editing this book again--especially an edit this extensive, where practically the entire novel is reimagined--part of me curled up in a little ball and meweled pitiably. I avoided it. I gave myself plenty of highly plausible excuses why I hadn't made any progress, like taking on the care of two extra boys in the afternoons, bringing my total to five between the ages of two and nine (that's four sets of homework, people. Four different math assignments on any given evening!).

I rustily churned out ten, fifteen pages, not really happy with the end products, but at least being able to call it progress. Just enough to say I was working so that nagging little voice didn't get too loud when it chirped at me.

And then I got the flu. You remember my last post. You remember the drugged energy bursts. Did I mention that one of them forced me into reorganizing the entire scene index/timeline? Yes? No? Well, it did. And that, heroes and heroines, was a game changer.

Ever since, I've been editing like mad. I blew through another four scenes yesterday and today, and retweaked others I'd already been over once this time. It's insane how much everything is opening up, how every character seems to be doing exactly what I need him or her to do, and it all feels natural.

As for the title of this post, well, you may have already read this on Twitter (I was really proud of it), but today my girl, my main character and narrator (first person love, y'all!), called someone a bloated wart-sack, and that, to me, is just about as fabulous as when Rory Gilmore called Logan Huntzberger a butt-faced miscreant, which is my favorite insult in the HISTORY of insults.




Ladies and gentleman, I AM BACK!

In Which I AssUMe a lot and hope I don't bruise anyone's butt.

Personal Note: A lot of things that wake up other people make me sleepy. Showers. Eating. Not wearing my glasses (my eyes don't want to focus, so they keep telling me I'm tired so I'll close them. Also, Dayquil just makes me want to puke, and doesn't do jack for preventing drowsiness.

In lieu of a real post, I'm telling you about four songs I just discovered and love, to act as a place holder until I get my act together and write a real post.

1. "One in a Million" by Monty Are I. Brianne just told me about this one today and I liked it right away. She's right; it totally suits the new 'entitled, arrogant' thing Sebastien's rocking on the surface.

2. "The Sound of Settling" by Death Cab for Cutie. *shrugs* Just like it.

3. "Rooftops" by LostProphets, a song that may sort of wrap up the entirety of the big theme for book three of the Dionadir trilogy. It's rather . . . revolutionary. I am 85 per cent decided I'll try to use a section of it in the epigraph.

4. "Breaking" by Anberlin. The very first time I heard this song (day before yesterday?) a character butted into my head and would not leave me alone. I've got a query blurb, title, and first line, all amazing. I'm not posting them here because frankly, um, I'm afraid someone random will steal them*. That's how much I love them.

*Not you, of course, loyal readers. I'd never mean you.

*****

And Then The Whole World Bought More Windex 1

Personal Note: My pillow is at least 26 years old. So is my teddy-cat, Charmkin. No, I do not want to hear about the dust mites. Spare me.

Ten at-one-time high-profile writers are sent to a retreat in the backwoods of some mid-western state. To help instill a sense of community within the group of story-tellers the well-meaning, too smiley organizer puts up a huge dry-erase board and encourages the group to write a Next Line story*

The writers draw numbers out of a hat to determine the order in which they'll add to the story. The line-up turns out like this:

1. Kanye West**
2. Stephen King
3. Jude Devereaux
4. Robert Jordan
5. Stephenie Meyer

And the story begins thusly:

"I'ma let you get back your writing but I wan't y'all to recognize my book is better than all y'all's...but only 'cause Beyonce didn't put one out yet. [Kanye leaves the room]

What the hell? Who let that guy have the marker? For God's sake, give me that thing. [Mr. King puts a big X through Kanye's lines]

The story begins (again) thusly:

He hated the birds. Their small, glassy eyes reflected his image back at him, backward and upside down. Somehow the picture looked more like him than the real thing. [Mr. King stops and passes the marker to Ms. Devereaux]

[Ms. Devereaux smiles mischievously at Mr. King and squeezes an 's' before the 'h' in the opening "He". She changes all the pronouns into the feminine form] The story continues thusly:

SHe hated the birds. Their small, glassy eyes reflected her image back at her, backward and upside down. Somehow the picture looked more like her than the real thing. Only fatter, because Jen spent too much time running to be that pudgy. The only things her sleek body ate with enthusiasm were miles, all the better to attract the eyes of the muscle-dripping men who ran alongside her.

[Ms. Devereaux stops writing and offers the marker to Mr. Jordan, who chews on the end of it while he studies the board. Finally he picks up the story, which continues thusly:]

SHe hated the birds. Their small, glassy eyes reflected her image back at her, backward and upside down. Somehow the picture looked more like her than the real thing. Only fatter, because Jen spent too much time running to be that pudgy. The only things her sleek body ate with enthusiasm were miles, all the better to attract the eyes of the muscle-dripping men who ran alongside her. Jeniver Corliss needed the brutes to notice her. The diversion wouldn't work if she didn't capture their attention entirely, letting them snap at her elf-quick heels, just out of reach. She couldn't let their minds ponder when the druid priest, Rolf, had disappeared from her flank.

[Mr. Jordan thinks for a bit, then adds in some more punctuation before wiping the marker down with his shirt and waving it in the direction of Ms. Meyer. Ms. Meyer, however, declines. "I brought my own!", she perks, and pulls out a sparkly blue marker from her purse. The glittery ink looks very bright next to the black of the previous lines.]

SHe hated the Birds, their small glassy eyes reflecting her image back at her, backward and upside down, only fatter, because Jen spent too much time running to be that pudgy. The only things her sleek body ate with enthusiasm were miles, all the better to attract the eyes if the muscle-dripping men running alongside her because Jeniver Corliss needed the brutes to notice her (the diversion wouldn't work if she didn't capture their attention entirely, letting them snap at her elf-quick heels, just out of their reach). She couldn't let their minds ponder when the druid priest, Rolf, had disappeared from her flank. Jen wouldn't let him down, not when his last words to her before he'd snuck down the alternate path had been professions of love.

"Don't be afraid, Jeniver," he'd whispered in her ear, keeping up with her easily. "I won't let anything happen to you, I don't care what others think about us. I'm here for you forever." And then he'd left, into the thick, dewy undergrowth of the wet forest.

[Ms. Meyer sits down on her little log seat, smiling, pleased. Mr. King scowls, looking like he might begin cursing again. Ms. Devereaux offers Mr. Jordan a mint to suck on.]

[There's a disturbance outside, a rackety slap of something against the door. The knob shivers and then tears out of the wood. A large Great Wit*** humps its way to the board. It snorts, a bubbly, snorkly sound, and uses a fin to grip the marker, proceeding to make comments.

"This doesn't give me a reason to care." "Too much description about characters, not enough plot." "Where's the conflict?" "Bless my flippers, ALIENS IN CHAPTER FOURTEEN!"

Finally the shark circles the entire story and notates, "Form Rejection", before taking a bite out of one corner of the board.

1. Disclaimer: I love every one of these writers, and have at least one of each's book in my collection. I wouldn't "pick on" them if I didn't.

*Where each person writes one or two lines, then must let someone else have a go. Usually the previous writer folds down the paper so only his line can be seen, making the next person have base her writing on only a sentence of so.

**Kanye stole his spot from Dan Brown, and since technically Kanye's written a book, they let him stay.

***Cousin of the Great White shark, only snarkier.

You Sneaky Brat . . .

Well, I can't deny that truth.

Stay tuned. In a few weeks my lovely compatriot Michelle and I will have something useful to enveil.

--Amethyst

P.S. Progress on Golden coming along, as it will.