The noise and rush of holidays is over for our household, and with the boys off visiting grandmothers and aunts and my husband working for the evening, everything is so very quiet. Quiet enough the silence oppresses; not even a favorite playlist can make a dent in it. I understand why people find themselves inexplicably saddened, especially those who are generally more alone than I am. I myself am in a bit of a funk, to be honest.
I guess the important thing to remember is that more often than not, loneliness is a lie. It's a very crafty, very convincing lie, definitely, but a lie all the same, because no matter how alone you feel, you aren't actually alone. Even complete strangers keep you from being without anyone. Loneliness is the little voice whispering to you about being nothing, about having no worth, no place in the rest of the world.
Sometimes it's not just hard to ignore loneliness, it's frightening. Testing the lie, trying to break it, could prove it true, or at least that's what we're afraid will happen.
It's too quiet in my house tonight, and it's a little scary, and a little sad. It's lonely, yes.
But it's not without.
I hear you say, "My love is over,
it's underneath, it's inside, it's in between,
the times you doubt Me, when you can't feel,
the times that you've questioned 'Is this for real?'
the times you've broken, the times that you mend
the times you hate Me, and the times that you bend.
Well my love is over, it's underneath,
it's inside, it's in between,
these times you're healing
and when your heart breaks,
the times that you feel like you've fallen from grace.
The times you're hurting,
the times that you heal,
the times you go hungry, and are tempted to steal.
In times of confusion and chaos and pain,
I'm there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame.
I'm there through your heartache,
I'm there in the storm.
My love, I will keep you by My power alone.
I dont care where you've fallen, where you have been,
I'll never forsake you.
My love never ends.
It never ends
-- "Times", by Tenth Avenue North